And so another summer has come to a halting screech. I go through this every year, but it got SO much harder after I had Lyric. That boy has me wrapped around his finger(s), oh yes, every single one of them. It's dramatic, and probably way silly, but I almost grieve the end of my summer. I get excited about the new possibilities, the new students, the new adventures, and even seeing some of my favorite co-workers every day! But, I miss waking up to a tiny voice every morning, staying in my pajamas, watching Disney Junior, and sharing cereal with the cutest little boy on the planet. To top it all off, he starts daycare on Monday. I'm a nervous wreck, or worse, but I'm not sure what that's called. So what does an English teacher do when she's feeling blue? She writes!
I complain, yes. I'm also super dramatic. My dog could tell you that. I cry about everything, I laugh a whole lot, and I love hard. These are all reasons that I do my job well! I have heart, personality, and a little spunk. You have to be kind of spunky to teach high school kids. I am writing this blog to kind of remind myself of why it's not all that bad that my summer is coming to an end. Yes, I am venting out loud....very loud, actually. So, reasons I do what I do:
1. Lyric. That's it, sweet, and simple. I admire the stay at home mom, and would love to be her in moments like these. I often battle with thoughts in my head, guilt. I should be at home with him. I should be able to watch his every move until I have to give him up to school, right? Eh, easier said than done for most. In order to give my baby what he deserves and needs, I have to work. I have to contribute financially. I also want to lead by example. I want him to know that you have to work to see results, and that it's okay to go after your goals in life. Before Lyric, my passion became education. After Lyric, my passion became education and Lyric. So, I share them.
2. My Calling. I didn't even know it was something I was called to do until college. I changed my major, something clicked, and as soon as I walked into a classroom, it felt like magic. It's different every day, I get to change lives, and I make connections to hundreds of kids every year. What more could you ask for? Oh, and I get to decorate my classroom super cute. You can't always do that in a cubicle.
3. The Connections. This is tough. Last year, I experienced the loss of a student. It hit me much harder than I thought it would. It still hurts, and I think of her every. single. day. I thank God that I had the opportunity to reach out to her when I did, and I pray that a seed was planted. I have had the tough job of holding students in their darkest hour; praying and crying with them. I have had the privilege of rejoicing with them in their strenghts and improvements! I get to hear things like "Guess what, I made an A!", or "The cancer is gone!" I live for those moments. Those moments when your students turn into "My kids", as we usually refer to them. I cry with them, I pray with them, I laugh with them. It is the MOST rewarding job on the planet, no doubt about it.
4. It's a Ministry. I love Jesus. I might not be able to quote scripture or lead my class in prayer, but they see Jesus in me often, and it's in the way he has used me in his way, in my classroom. I have lots of weaknesses, I'm not perfect, but he's chosen me. That's pretty powerful. There is something that happens when a teenager sees light in a new way. It's a beautiful thing.
5. The Challenge. Teaching is crazy hard to do! So many skills, so many different ways to teach it, so many personalities. It keeps me on my toes! I get stressed, I fix problems, I'm challenged, and that's not always a bad thing. I think it makes me a better person every year, actually. No, please don't tell me how you really feel about that ;) I can look back on my first year of teaching and honestly say that I have grown tremendously because of my job alone.
Alright, I'm out of BIG reasons for now. I might be weeping Sunday night and have to pull this back out to remind me that what I do has purpose. I whine, but hey, I get holidays, including the summer, decent pay (for those of you who think teachers live on noodles), awesome benefits, and am home for dinner almost every night. Not so bad after all.
To my teacher friends, my co-workers who I'm sure feel some of the same things I do, we are gonna do just fine this year. I am already praying and believing for changes, transformations, better results, and awesome experiences. Enjoy your last weekend my friends! See you Monday!